Welcome to a new column we’re affectionately calling, Identity Politics. Written by veteran journalist Susan Milligan, we’ll be covering the big issues in the socio-political ether as they intersect with design, art, and other modes of visual communication.
“You’ll change your mind.”
I first heard those words when I was still a teenager, having just informed adults that I had no interest in having children. Such declarations were seen as a radical – and temporary – flirtation with Women’s Liberation and a misguided rejection of All Things Normal and Natural for females. At that age, I was treated with a patronizing kindness by those whose smug smiles conveyed their assurance that, of course, I would be overcome by baby fever, settle down, and consent into a life where I might well have a career, but of course would reproduce and always, always put my children first.
As I got older, my childless state became a source of perplexity, judgment, alarm, and finally, pity, as it became clear to others that the time had passed for me to fulfill my expected role as a mother. How could I have missed the memo, waved frantically in my face by myriad sources – older adults, media warnings about my ticking biological clock, advertisements, and marketing that celebrated marriage and parenthood? The sappy engagement ring ads, food sold in family-sized packages, the pregnancy test commercials that overwhelmingly featured married couples hoping so much for the little blue line that reveals that she – oops, “we,” in the couple-centric vernacular that erases the one thing a woman can do that a man can’t – is/are pregnant.
Decades later, despite dramatic demographic and social changes, we’re still in the same place. It’s arguably worse, since American politicians, opinion leaders, and marketers have had decades to adjust to the new reality of American households but haven’t. A first-of-its-kind 2021 Census Bureau report on childless older Americans found that nearly one in six adults age 55 and older are childfree. In 2023, 47 percent of adults under 50 said they were unlikely to have kids—a big jump from just five years previous, when 37 percent felt that way, according to the Pew Research Center. Another Census study found that 58 percent of households are childless (though this figure likely includes empty nesters), up from 7.7 percent in 1940.
The anger and outright hatred towards the childfree among us has been ugly and mounting. The silly (and suspiciously manufactured-looking) videos of “trad wives” on social media underscore the idea that a “traditional” wife, wearing a spaghetti-strapped tank top on her ballerina body, is so much happier staying home all day, making homemade Oreo-style cookies for her kids and waiting for her husband to get home from his paying job. A popular meme online contrasts drawings of two women—one, described as an “Established and Complete Woman,” in a flowy dress and smiling as she holds her husband’s, who is carrying one of their four children. The other depicts a scowling single woman with a cat, a sex toy, a glass of wine, a sorry-looking slice of pizza, and a tally of “men I’ve whored myself out to.” The moniker for this woman? “A Victim of Feminism.”
And now, the crusade against childfree women has become part of the presidential campaign. Republican vice presidential nominee J.D. Vance in 2021 excoriated the “childless cat ladies” who are unhappy and “want to make the rest of the country miserable too.” Asked about the audio, unearthed after Vance became his party’s nominee for vice president, Vance snipped that he had nothing against cats. Another audio clip of Vance, discovered in August, features him castigating the head of a teachers union for not having children. “If she wants to brainwash and destroy the minds of children,” Vance says, “she should have some of her own and leave ours the hell alone.”
Newsweek, which wrote a mea-culpa story in 2006 countering its own 1986 cover story warning single women that their chances of getting married after age 40 were lower than the chance of getting killed by a terrorist, hasn’t evolved. It’s just modernized the line of attack. An opinion column in the magazine this summer piously informed readers that wealthy and uber-successful Taylor Swift – one of the most effective brand ambassadors in the world – is a terrible role model for girls. Why? Because she is unmarried, has no children, and has had a lot of boyfriends.
And that’s the root of the anger and renewed backlash: it’s not (just) that women are remaining single and childfree. It’s that they’re happy that way. And that has provoked a range of reactions from incomprehension to out-and-out rage.
Sure, you won’t see ads anymore like the 1930s pitch for Listerine, noting of a halitosis-afflicted female: “And as her birthdays crept gradually toward that tragic 30-mark, marriage seemed farther from her life than ever. She was often a bridesmaid, but never a bride.” However, as Jess Lloyd, head of strategy at the advertising firm Hill Holiday, noted in a 2018 column in Adweek, single women still felt the judgment. In a study conducted by the firm, nearly half of single women felt “virtually nonexistent” in advertising, and when they were portrayed, it was often as “hyper-sexualized, desperate or lonely.”
Entertainment and food establishments offer “family days” and family discounts irrelevant to single and childless consumers. And while people drive alone more than three-fourths of the time (even more so for single drivers), vehicle advertising tends to show families and groups driving together, behavioral economist Peter McGraw wrote in a column for Contagious, a creative and strategic agency.
The underlying premise of political campaigns, media, and advertising is that singlehood and childlessness are temporary—states that people universally want to escape. That explains why Republicans – seeing the overwhelming electoral advantage Democrats have among single women – haven’t responded by crafting policies to appeal to that voter group. They’ve just tried to get them married. And more insidiously, shaming them into having children (or making it hard to end an unwanted pregnancy).
Good luck with that. According to the Census Bureau, women (and men) are marrying later. The Pew study found that the childless are not mostly reproductively challenged: 57 percent of the adults under 50 who said they are unlikely to have kids said a major reason is that they don’t want them. The side-by-side meme of a happy wife and mother and a miserable single woman means to insult unmarried, childless women. But it misses the point: very many women would prefer to be the female on the right than the one on the left. You can get over a hangover. There’s no recovering from a frontal lobotomy, as the woman on the left appears to have been given, in a caricature that’s arguably as insulting and reductive as the one depicting the single woman.
It will get nastier before the childfree cat ladies take their rightful role in politics and the consumer market. Eventually, candidates, advertisers, and the media will figure out that if they want our votes, our money, and our attention, they’re going to have to accept us as we are. In the stump speech slogan of Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris, we are not going back.
Susan Milligan is an award-winning veteran journalist covering politics, culture, foreign affairs, and business in Washington, DC, New York, and Eastern Europe. A former writer for the New York Daily News, the Boston Globe, and US News & World Report, she was among a team of authors of the New York Times bestseller Last Lion: The Rise and Fall of Ted Kennedy. A proud Buffalo native, Milligan lives in northern Virginia.
Header image background by Marlene Stahlhuth / Death to Stock